Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
