hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
