you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize