my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
