too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
