Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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