You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
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