when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
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