KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
sex in a hospital.. check
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
