If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize