I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
