I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
