Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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