Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just gift wrapped bread.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
