Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
