The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize