I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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