people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
