so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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