the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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