i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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