The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Still dying that you shit outside
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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