Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
