he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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