Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
