either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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