My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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