why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
