I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize