you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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