I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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