I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
