new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize