I need help removing her.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
