either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
