So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
