The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
