Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
