He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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