omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
