drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
