can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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