sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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