May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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