I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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