I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
