mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
