You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
