On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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