singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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