I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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