chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
