It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
