So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
