Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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