I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize