my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I forget how to act sober
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
