You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
