we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
