Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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