college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
