the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
