Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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