Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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