so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
