It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
