How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
