; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just made my gag reflex go away.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize