I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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