I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
