guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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