this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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