I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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