So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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