You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
