We won't sleep together?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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