I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
