I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
